Top 5 Ways to Avoid "Labels" and stick to what Really Counts
Relationships can be so confusing! Labels like "Dating", "Significant Other", "Single", "Open Relationship" are all forms of mile markers within developing or dissolving relationships. Well, here are a my Top 5 Ways to avoid the "Labels" and stick to what really counts!
1. Know your Individual Intentions Up Front
Meeting someone new is exciting, passionate, and romantic. On the flip side though, you have to know yourself before entering the world of dating and mating. Asking yourself questions such as "How long has it been since my last relationship?" "Have I figured out what I want in life or where I see myself going in the next 6 months?" "Am I built to casually flirt and be content being alone after an outing?" Knowing yourself, your baggage, your preferences, and what kind of relationship you are really seeking makes it easy to connect with people who are on your same level. Otherwise, one or both of you could end up dissappointed.
2. Never Worry About Answering and Appeasing the Masses
Let's face it: People get bored with their own lives, so they start demanding juicy details of yours (and your new bo). Its important to focus on building the friendship and foundations of boundaries when meeting new people. Its an establishment of becoming a healthy US, regardless of where it will or will not go. Allowing friends and outside influences to tell you what you should be doing, or how you two should go about spending time together is pointless. Afterall, the Masses are looking out for themselves, and hopefully you, but ultimately, nobody knows how you are feeling and what the dynamic in development really looks like except the two of you. So the next time you're approaching week 3 of your new romance, avoid letting the public in until you both know how you want to present this new relationship.
3. Value the Strengths and Let Go of them if it is NOT fullfilling
People have all sorts of strengths that make them appealing and interesting. Its easy to get caught up scintillating conversation, gorgeous smiles, and big boobs. However, if you've been talking to someone casually or frequently, and you still find yourself chatting to multiple other potentials, its a good sign that 1. you're not ready to be consistent with anyone or 2. this person does not fullfill your current wants and needs. Its always a good idea to idenify what kinds of people and personalities compliment yourself so that you don't continue wasting your time (and money) with someone you know is not a great fit. It is perfectly fine to propose other relationship qualifiers such a business networking or aquaintance level attention, but be sure to be assertive, direct, and clear about what their purpose and meaning is to you. Not all strengths are a good fit for us; Ambitguity however could get one or both of you trapped in unhealthy relationship patterns.
4. Time is about Quantity; Excitment is about Quality
I all too often ask couples in my therapy sessions "So how long has this partnership been going on?" The answer defined by Labels is usually like, "Well we've been married for 3 months but together for 6 years". Its like the partnership prior to the label doesn't even count anymore. Other issues I'll see people run into are that they are stuck in a relationship that expired a long time ago, but they don't do anything about it because (insert tons and tons of irrational thougths here). Really! examples like "well its been 8 months, and I don't want people to think I can't commit"... "her family really likes me and I'm paying half the rent"... "we have a dog together"... I could go on for days, but you get the point. Quantity does not factor into healthy happy relationships; its a label that justifies staying with someone for the wrong reasons. Excitement is my version of happy potential; it is quality, and with effort and clarification, it can last forever- minus the label.
5. Define Your OWN Truths, not the truths of Society
There are two versions of truths: Validation of how you really feel and Influence from Society that dictates how you feel. Relationships are meant to bring out the best versions of ourselves and inspire us to keep growing. Some of us are built to go with the flow, keep it casual, embrace sex without commitment, and just be free and happy. (Those people must have it SO good). The other some of us try to keep up with the casual go with the flow, but it creates anxiety becuase its not natural to who we are. By all definitions of choice, going with the natural grain of you always feels right and usually works out better than going against the grain. Why? This is not supposed to feel like work, pain, and misery. If a relationship is meant to be significant in your life, then, without much effort, it will be as it is created on natural chemestry with trust and respect.
