Dating, Mating, and Emulating
What was once a past time of “dating” included opening doors, seeking a partner, and maybe a kiss goodnight. Times were easy and the hottest bragging point was having a boyfriend with a radio in the car. As times change, so do we, but is it really at the confusion and expense of what the new “date” includes?
Clients repeatedly report back on the latest weekend date craze and let me tell you, they are baffled at what this craze leading to crazy includes. What should “dating” look like and what does it actually mean today?
Dating turned to Mating
A half ass dinner, maybe some drinks that lead to a decent conversation, and then the goodnight kiss expectation of sex-is the new date. Oh! To keep it “real”, you may also include the text that happens at midnight 2 weeks later as an after thought. This is what mating looks like (and not in the caveman fashion of spreading genes). With the stories of the most recent Friday night experiences, I gather that nothing is free. Nothing. Dinner, drinks, movies, and then some, all seem to require the sex without connection. IS this bad? NO! Not if you are built for this type of “dating”.
Dating and Emulating
“I have no labels or need for them”. Their real type is smart or stable. The type they receive is what they feel they can acquire. This is where that thing called “own it” happens to come in handy. It is not about questioning personal sexuality or personal preferences. It is more about accepting the love you think you deserve. So, what do you deserve? Great sex for a weekend? Another digit in the mobile rolodex. So if you say you want a relationship, then go for quality and know who and what you want. If you want something different, then don’t second guess your intentions and recognize what your real date should include.
Emulating is far different from transparent
Emulating is the idea of cuddling and friendship with just enough sex included to be confusing. It includes intimacy, connection, and the question of why and where is this going? The tease of inconsistent communication is exciting and very exhausting. Emulating relationships is far less beneficial from just plain sex and freedom. Basically own what you are seeking… at least there is no guilt, stress, or resentment for either party involved.
Simplicity exists. Believe it or not, humans behave on patterns so if you look passed the lipgloss, charm, and great smile… the truth is there and spoken within less than five minutes. Watch how they respond to open questions. Listen to what they are in front of you from what they say claim to be past, present, and future.
I.E.
“I love all music”.
My response/statement: “Great, what was the last concert you went too?”
(I ask this because if I love common interests, this being concerts/music, then a ticket costs money and this answer shows me truth to what they really like because it was an investment.
“I want to own a business”.
Again, my removal of rose colored glasses dismissing the smile and great smell of fragrance: “Great, what have you done to write up a business model… what kind of fun would that bring you?”
(Really, I just need to know the intention of this statement from them).
Lastly, its not about being an ass or trying to expose weakness. It is more about getting genuine quickly to make more educated choices about who and what is in front of us. Really, it all boils down to what we are seeking, and owning our choices. Yes, we can. So, be honest, and be you.
