Oral Expression or Expectation?
About a month ago, I was working with a client who came into a new relationship that was going really well, including the sexual chemistry part. She then asked, “I heard if I give oral, then he’ll expect it every time”. With a smile and a chuckle, I reflected back on my own concepts and simply replied, “If you want to share in the experience and include oral, own it and do it… its not an expectation, its a perk to both of you”.
The question of whether or not to perform oral or receive it goes beyond the “Do I have to” into more of a “Expression in fun” and nothing more.
Analytics vs Get over it and have fun
Oral is a part of the vulnerability in sharing with a partner. It is a piece of intimacy equal to organism or showing the beauty of the outside body. “Well, I’m afraid if she gives me oral, then I have to give it back and I’m not sure that I want too”. I’ve also heard, “well, once I start to offer it, he’ll always want it… and I don’t want to disappoint”. Sex is not a part of expectations, performance, failing, or winning. Oral is another version of sex; simply, it is the moment of living and being in the moment. No analytics required.
Expression of fun
The only complexity involved here is this: relinquish control and live in your moment. This is not about long term, short term, a marriage certificate, or a one night stand. This is about the moment your are in with your partner. Many people make it about a mind game (both sexes- other articles separate the difference). Stop with the “Must make this last longer”… “Must make sure the partner is happy”… it leads to self criticism and judgement. This is where is it fun and you express as individuals what is fun, feels right, and forget everything else. Oral is not a reflection of a Freudian deprived need or sense of negative exposure. You’re in this together, remember? Go with it.
No Judgement fits in here
What if I’m bad? What if I’m looked at as slutty? What if they smell? What if… What if… What if… This is a sensitive topic, because, well, it is sensitive. Yes, its hard to write about, because, its SO sensitive that it is offensive only because it draws on fears, insecurities, and well, truth. But really, what if judgement is thrown out? Sex, oral, all of it really, is focused on the moment and you remain who you are. Game face, class, business, and “who give a…” included. It is connected and it is separated.
Oral once given, received, reciprocated is based on a pleasure principle and nothing else. Twice, great! Sold… only in the matter of, if you are with the same partner at this point, clearly, something you both are doing is apparently right!
