The Tinder Diaries: Article 1: First Date
So the Tinder Diaries are part of a series that describe the “non-traditional” yet “modern traditional” way of meeting new people when other sources seem unreliable. So, how can we tell if the First Date is going anywhere? I’d like to disclose for purposes of not getting sued: I am reflecting on observations, stories, and interpretations brought forth by other people’s stories. I cannot quote, offer personal insight, or give my own stories; remember folks, #truth.
Non Verbals say so much more than verbals
The Female version of ruffling feathers:
You’re sitting at a table, probably outdoor setting and somewhere drinks are available in abundance should things become or remain awkward.
As she “ruffles her feathers”, a.k.a., plays with her hair and flips it around, this is mostly a good sign. She is subconsciously showing a few signs. 1. Look good, they’re cute, and I need a mirror. 2. My date is saying something and I can either outsmart or I am so lost; either way impress and look cute.
Male version:
Grabs chin, starts to cover up what he thinks is imperfection (maybe a blemish or beard hair he meant to trim). If you’re busting his balls, its not fun, but you can pull back by noticing that his hand is going to the back of his head a lot. Baffled, maybe. Men are very uncomplicated; usually this is a sign of confusion. Watch if he leans back or leans forward. This is the difference from baffled and into you.
Conversation is less about the obvious and more about the “REAL” obvious
People put on their best front speaking about trips, adventures, their job- all the generic crap that makes us appealing. Truth: know what to ask and when, because really, it saves everybody time, money, and confusion. I utilize open ended questions and cautious listening. Here’s “Counseling 101”, basic rules to knowing your party.
You ask 2 questions max within 30 minutes. The rest are statements with intent, “Tell me about the last (insert something you’re interested in) you went too”. I.E. “Tell me about the last new restaurant you tried”. Either way, see past the charm and see in to the flicker of light within pupils (sexy or not).
Reflect and Deflect- If you’ve gone past the “oh god, get me another martini, very straight, no dirty, please come Uber”… then this can work. Reflect means clarifying what they’re saying and asking for clarification if you don’t know what they’re talking about. I.E. “So, you’re really into hunting outdoors with dogs… I would love to try that”…. or “I’ve never been deep sea fishing, so does that mean ocean or fresh”? (BTW, if you care anything about fishing and they ask, end it here. Trust me.
Birds of a Feather….
Look, if you’re at the first date, and Tinder has not done right by the green swipe, red swipe, just own it. Be honest, let them know how great they are, and how different you are. “Its just not a good fit, and I set you free”… or something like that. Feeling awkward, uncomfortable, unsafe, bored, etc is a permanent thing. Accept them for who they are and for who your are. No one needs to change… they just need to keep swiping.
