The Ultimate Marriage
Yes, I utilize partnership because labels are fading, but, the wedding industry exists for a reason: People want marriage, commitment, and all the woes and joys it represents.
I started out as a marriage counselor before I specialized in partnerships and relationships. So people getting married- gay, straight, queer, transgendered- this one is for you.
“I promise to love, respect, and take care of you forever. I promise to love you til I die. I promise that these promises are a vow of ….” Yes, we get it. The dresses and tuxes look great. The photographer is $250 an hour. The butterflies your guests will release are frozen and now flying away at $500 a pop. Yes. It is all very fun and beautiful and full of love or something.
The Ultimate Marriage.
The real vows:
“I promise to show up everyday by choice, not by paper created by law”.
“I promise to check in with you frequently to assure I’m doing my part in being supportive of your life choices and be assertive that you are doing the same for mine”.
“I promise to own that I have feelings and opinions and that I won’t blame you when things go wrong”.
“I promise to appreciate a mutual respect and trust… and never use sex as a leverage or weapon… “… had to add that one in :)
The Ultimate Marriage:
Foundations
Spirituality: not defined, but respected and owned; similar to values
Parenting
Finances
Recreation
Individual Career Goals and Paths
Family of Origin Talks
Vices… owning them and pushing the threshold
Present, Past, and Future ideas for life exposure
Foundations need to be discussed because it is what makes a solid connection versus a myth build on an industry of hope. Marriage is not work. It is a symbol of commitment to being best friends with #nakedcouchsunday… Trust, respect, and the “thing” that words cannot describe. Just the sound of their voice, imagery of their eyes, one simple hug; this is the “thing” that logic and reason cannot negotiate. It just exists. No effort. It makes us melt and science cannot take it away.
The Ultimate marriage is about building life
So, yeah, past the whole wedding BS, you are stuck with just each other. No cake. No presents. No cheers. Just you, them, and maybe a family later. Ultimate; that is when you could care less about anything except your skills to map out the future and navigate as you go. Relinquish plans and control and focus on what counts: At the end of each day, your person is there. They love you unconditionally, thick, thin, fail, success, good, bad, real, and sobbing. Its genuine. Its easy; and should it not be? This is your best friend, remember?
Keeping it Ultimate
Fake it till you make it works in business, not marriage. Foundations evolve as do promises, ideas, and dreams. See what is in front of you. It can and will work if you recall what special “thing” exists. I’m not touching on co-dependence, finances, and all the reasons that make people engage in conflict. Roles and rules are just a piece of the puzzle. Ultimate marriages are built on the big picture. Love. Truth. Respect. Evolution of the US.
