Alone or Lonely?
I traveled to explore myself and shuffle through my own journey- Alone. It was beautiful! I ate when I was hungry, slept when I was tired, and explored where and when I wanted to explore. I didn’t have to ask anyone if they were happy, having a good time, or care about anyone but myself- And I loved it! Apparently, it is also not something I was supposed to love. Every time I sat down at a table to eat, I was constantly judged. “Una”? Yes, just me. “You have no one else”? People just couldn’t understand the joy of the self fulfilling journey. They couldn’t see past the one plate, one set of silverware, and one glass per bottle of wine (yes… had some fun with that too).
I had no intentions of landing in Mexico jail, but you would think that I broke a law every time I ventured out into the country without an escort. In fact, one of my biggest frustrations was when I went to a VIP bottle service rave on a beach and someone designated themselves as my “protector” for the night. All I could think was, “I just traveled all this way for freedom and escape of control, only to feel the most controlled I’ve ever felt in my life!”. So, how do escape the insecurities of being “lonely” and represent the idea of how freaking awesome it is to be traveling or exploring alone?
Defining Lonely vs Alone
One of the worst feelings in the world is to feel lonely when you are not alone. Having a partner in the same room and not knowing who you are or why you are still sharing a space is the worst kind of entrapment. Lonely is filled with sadness, guilt, worry, anxiety, and confusion. All of this adds up to the contender of contempt- the ultimate murderer and culprit of unhealthy relationships. Alone is actually pretty simple: one, un, una, single, just me, yep, just me, myself, I… its singular. Nothing more, nothing less. I love that I am my own best friend, the funniest person I know, and the coolest person I can hang out with. Alone. Simply stated.
Recognizing the ideas of Choice vs Surrender
Choice means there is some thought and intention behind being by yourself. If I don’t feel like smiling, listening, or agreeing with someone, I make the choice to do things by myself and preserve my energy. Choice has meaning and prerogative. To choose is to know the results and consequences, and be perfectly fine with any and all outcomes. Surrender is when you feel like you have no choice; therefore, you settle. This is difficult to process. It takes away from safety and disregards meaning and options. It feels sad and ultimately leads to less than “choices” based on what you think is left in front of you.
Know your Intent and Own it
I knew I wanted to seek out adventure without the hassle of worry. When you have a partner who meets your level of “crazy”, you’re still independent. The partner is a compliment to your preference, but not the instigator or reason. I knew that I could include someone who would love adventure, be easy going, and add to my journey. I also knew I was ready when I was ready, and waiting was not an option. Some call it selfish. If so, then hell yes. I’ll own it. I was the most happy selfish person in the whole universe for a week! If dining, wining, chasing, and living without a worry is selfish, then bring it. I’ll gladly stand tall taking the medal for “Most outstanding selfish human being in the world”. It also means to me this: I own it. I own my passion for culture, food, learning, and above all else, being that example to all who I help every day to find themselves. To help someone, even just one person, find out who they are and escape the mundane, is my calling. So, I’m going to own my own perspective, and I’m going to own the fact that anyone can break patterns and behaviors of co-dependence, self doubt, and seeing the difference between being alone and being lonely.
