The Tinder Diaries: Article 3: Busted by the Zip Code
So as I venture into my mission to hear out and observe the Tinder love, I find myself literally laughing to tears as my next little story unfolded.
Big city or small town, apparently the swiping with restrictions of mile radius exemptions can have its drawbacks. Coming from a place of relationships and open minded sex therapy tactics, I can say I’ve heard my fair share about BDSM parties, swingers, and threesomes. Truth be told, one fellow may have overstepped his boundaries, literally.
Seeking a pleasureful threesome, he swipes a few times, challenges a few dating boundaries, and proposes the idea of including his new date with a third sexual explorer. Seems like a fun idea at first; he even offers to let his date ponder the idea and choose the third. As negotiations take place, there is one little problem. The chosen third has already been “imprinted” on by this fellow. In fact, she was the lay from the night before who has been waiting for that follow up phone call.
Yes, in some ways it makes plenty of sense to stick to your zip code for convenience, minimal commute, common grounds for meeting; but when you’ve started to blend the sex dates together and get busted by the zip code, people start getting a little offended and start comparing stories.
Keep track of your dates- Or they will
Yes, it is true, many mates are a dime a dozen and they don’t all leave a lasting impression. However, these are still people! They matter to some extent and its important to know that as dumb as they seemed or drunk as they got, they still have memory, and so should you. There’s more to a date than a notch in the belt. To some extent, you are no smarter than they are if you cannot keep up with who you’ve dated or hooked up with; especially if they are keeping count. A little integrity goes a long way.
Attempt to make connections or bite the dust
Connections, like anything else, can be broken down into three categories: physical, mental, and emotional. Typically, if you hit a home run, all three were made to some degree. It doesn’t necessarily mean that its a soul mate situation, but at least they were interesting. If there was a physical connection, and nothing else (super sexy, great sex, dumb as hell), then be clear about where this is and is not going. At least it helps save face with reputation. Mental and emotional connections can also occur and not lead to anything special either. Having a fantastic meeting of the minds can be intriguing and exciting; it can also show some loop holes for vulnerability and trust. Understand who and what you are looking for; otherwise, if you don’t make meaning in some fashion, they will, and it could lead you to several lonely nights as a giant fraud and fake. Choose honesty and truth rather than falling on your face in the mud.
Know who you are hooking up with- Humans are creatures of habit and predictable pattern
Let’s face it- its a small world. If you are swiping and green tapping people in your very local area, they probably go to the same markets, bars, and cleaners that you use. Humans are creatures of habit. What does this mean? The walk of shame can haunt you… like really haunt you, stalk you, make your “me” time feel crowded. I’ll bet you’re reading this right now during a routine activity that happens daily or weekly. Am I right? Even if we think we are spontaneous, we tend to follow suit with what we know. We like to be comfortable and we like safety. Simple as that. Your one-nighter needs to be remembered at least a little, or else your threesomes become righty and lefty one-somes.
Consider Outsourcing- Uber has its purpose
I am a huge fan of convenience, close proximity drinking, and being responsible. I am an even bigger fan of Uber or some form of a designated driver. It is okay to start exploring and swiping outside of your comfort zone zip code. This is actually maybe a little necessary if you’ve hooked up with every Tom, Dick, and Jane in your 4 block radius. Its not about judgment, its about self preservation. If sexual exploration is part of your dating journey, it only makes since to not “shit in your own back yard”, so to speak. Consider your options for making healthy choices that are a good fit for you while still remembering that people have feelings, and sometimes behave in ways that are a disadvantage to you.
Happy soul mate hunting!
